When a few of my friends learned that he was back in my life a lot of them shook their heads. What people fail to realize is that there will always be a connection between this person and myself. The same ones that shake their heads at the notion, are the ones who after all these years, dont’ know me as well as he does.
Yes, there are other fish in the sea, but right now I’d rather swim on the safe shallow end. As with all relationships/friendships that cross ‘that’ line, we have always had our share of ups and downs. We’re both two prideful people and I think that gets in the way of our communication. Also, I tend to be very passive/aggressive when it comes to communicating with him. Sometimes I wish he could actually read my mind, it would save me a lot of sleepless nights.
One of these days, I’ll be able to open up to him and express to him exactly how I feel, without feeling so intimidated and fearful of the rejection that could come from it. Last night, Yashieka and I spoke about emotional intelligence and how it enables effective communication. I think occasionally, my hot-headedness gets the best of me when it comes to him, for some reason he’s been the only person who knows what buttons to push.
In any event, who knows if this is the last “again” or the end to another “again” to only begin “again”?
I definitely know, if we ever completely grow apart, for better or for worst, a piece will definitely be missing from my life.
Last week, Yashieka wrote about choosing the ’safe’ option. Being that I was pretty busy at work last week, I couldn’t actively participate in the discussion. I think everyone throughout their dating history has that ’safe’ option, myself included. My safe option has been in my life off and on for the past 3 1/2 years. He is truly someone who knows me like a book, from front to back.
Over the years, we’ve had our issues. We started out as friends and then eventually became boyfriend & girlfriend. That worked out for a couple of months, but even now when I think about it, I don’t even know why that relationship ended. I always suspected that he found someone that he felt was ‘better’ or that he thought the grass would be greener elsewhere. In any event, after that break-up we didn’t talk for a while and it definitely felt as if something was missing from my life.
What eventually became of us was years of back and forth pseudo-relationships. We did everything a couple would do together, but were never truly in a real relationship again. There were even times when he happened to be in relationship with someone else, and failed to tell divulge that bit of information to me, so unbeknownst to me, I was the other woman at times.
About 9 months ago, we had another fall out and stopped speaking to each other. A few weeks ago, he sent a Happy Birthday email and once again we were ‘on again’. I’m not sure exactly what to expect of this next round, but needless to say, I’m going into it without any heavy expectations.
I loved real, real hard once..But the love wasn’t returned…Found out the man I’d die for…He wasn’t even concerned (C) Lauryn Hill, When It Hurts So Bad
That Lauryn Hill verse is what sticks in my head whenever I think about how much effort and love I put in my last relationship, only to get burned by his greed and lies. So that is what happened when I went out on a limb for love.
Now, I’m staying on the ’safe’ route. With a man that I truly consider a friend and one who I love as well. He is my ’safe’ haven. He knows what makes me tick and what can make me explode. Although our friendship reaches out past the realms of an average friendship at times, we both know what to and what not to expect from each other.
So, as we’re on this ‘another again’, I’m just going to sit back and enjoy the ride.
As my kid free weeks were coming to a close, Friday night I refused to spend it sitting at home. I felt that I needed to make the most of the night, considering my son would be home from his vacation on Saturday. So I picked up the phone and called someone and decided we’d head out to Chi-Cha Lounge for some tapas, drinks and hookah. I absolutely love the Chi-Cha lounge. It’s dark and the ambience is really mellow. What I even enjoyed more is my company that night. He’s someone who knows me probably better than anyone else. He makes me laugh and occasionally cry. We can tease each other about the size of our heads (yes, his is quite big) and not get offended. He has silly nicknames for me, which I will not divulge, but every time he calls me one of them, I can’t help but to burst out in laughter.
What kept us practically in tears was an older couple that was sitting in our section. They had heavy spanish accents and were REALLY into each other. The P.D.A was off the HOOK! I became a voyeur that night, b/c I couldn’t keep my eyes off of them. I have never seen a couple go at it so publicly before, but these people just didn’t care.
Tongues.
Gropping.
More tongues.
Personally, I’m not one for such displays of PDA, but it obviously didn’t bother them, that they had an audience.
Yesha under: Misc..